Just To Spite My Uterus

After having your first baby, the most common question I get is

"So......... When are you having another baby??!"

There are days I want another... Those are the days that Spaz is not Spaz. He Is Gabriel, my sweet Angel. He takes naps with no fuss. He eats all his food. He giggles at everything mama says. And when I tell him no, he says "Yes mommy dearest. I will not eat this cookie I found on the ground from 5 days ago. Instead I will come and give you lots of hugs and kisses. Oh and by the way, you are beautiful."

Then there are days he makes damn well sure that I make an appointment to have my tubes tide that afternoon.

 Then there those days. Ladies, you know what Im talking about. Men, you know even more. As much as men want to complain to us about those days, I dont think they could handle it. Isnt it bad enough we are the ones who grow a baby from our insides for 10 months then push it out from something that should NEVER have something pushed out of? But then if we dont give our uterus a job to do it punishes us one week out of every month by throwing ragers and invites everyones' least favorite family member- Aunt Flow.

The aches. The cramps. The mess. The ruined outfits. The bloat. The chocolate. The crying. The anger. She sucks. She doesnt have gum in her purse. She doesnt give you a birthday card with a $10 bill in it. She doesnt give you advice on boys, or sex, or how to deal with your parents.

Once a week, since our uterus is a cranky wench, Aunt Flo comes to town to show you who's boss. So men, dont be mad at us when theres a visitor. Try and understand shes here for us..As much as it may feel, she's not here for you. Tired of her visits? You have two options- knock us up (FYI pregnancy isn't a joy ride either) or:

1. Buy us chocolate. 
2. Watch the sad movie with us and cry at Sarah Mclachlan's commercials (buying that one eyes puppy     wouldnt hurt either)
3. Never round a group of us together for too long or we will overtake you. 
4. When we yell at you for breathing too loud, smile... or stop breathing.
5. Buy us chocolate.
6. Buy us more chocolate.
7. No chocolate? Run  see you in 3-5 days

When will I have another baby you ask? When Aunt Flow pisses me off just enough to send her to the unemployment line to wait for 40 weeks. But Im a tough cookie so I think I can handle her for some time yet... Sorry mother-in-law