Clean Tomato Soup

This soup is loved by my husband the health nut and even by my picky little brother (unless its coated with sugar crack he wont eat it). Even little Spaz who eats less than a bird loved it. But he mainly wanted the "cream" of the soup rather than the tomatoes. Keep in mind it taste clean. Its more of a light sour/real tomato taste BUT its delish and not bad on the waste!

32oz can of whole tomatoes drained
1 C Tomato juice or organic tomato soup
28oz can of diced tomatoes not drained
1 C milk or cream (cream will make it creamier of course but for a healthy route, go with 1% milk)
1/2 stick of butter
2 tsp salt
1 Tbs sugar

Bring the cans of tomatoes and salt to a boil then reduce heat for 10 mins. Make sure to stir often to prevent burning- I learned this the hard way with chili. Gross... 

After 10 minutes puree the mixture or for a chunkier effect (thats what I have), transfer mixture into a bowl and mix with an electric mixer like your whipping up some cookies!

Transfer the mix back into pan. Over medium heat stir in milk, butter, sugar, and tomato juice. Stir until completely mixed

We like to eat this with grown up grilled cheese. Its just mountain bread, garlic butter spread, and multiple cheeses. Yum!! 

Spaz tested and approved!

The Greatest Worst Day of My Life

Lately with the big decisions Sexy Beast and I are making, another baby has been crossing my mind. Am I ready for another Spaz or Spazzet to run under my legs when Im carrying baskets, tug at my pants when Im cooking, throw all my laundry when Im trying to fold, insist on watching Toy Story over and over again? Most times I say maybe it wont be that bad- Then God bitch slaps me with the flu and a rage of monthly hormones all at once to remind me what a joy pregnancy was for me. Next time I might have that on top of the tantrums and deployments. Even through that I still think- Hell I can do this! I did it not that long ago and I survived Sexy Beast survived-- balls intact... But what about AFTER pregnancy. Am I forgetting birth?! More importantly, am I forgetting LABOR?!! Now, some of my friends and family are pregnant right now so do not fear my dears. I insist that labor and delivery is NOT like you see on TV. And when they tell you that your soul somehow blocks all the bad stuff out afterwards- they are correct. For around 2 weeks I would shiver and get sick just thinking about my labor and delivery experiance. But ask me now and it really wasnt that bad. Ask Sexy Beast and he will may tell you a different story.

I know everyone has a different experience, but my friends who are near the end ask me what was it exactly like for me? What is real and what is TV? Well, my dear friends, Ill tell you the good, the bad, and the disgusting when I gave birth to Spaz.

Let me note here that if you dont want a possible TMI- Dont read. Im an open book. You have been warned for this and future blogs. 

When you have a baby in a hospital, especially if you are having one in an Army hospital, they will insist that you take a labor and delivery class to prepare you and your willing spouse/sister/best friend for this painful miraculous adventure called birth.  In this class, the instructor showed us a handful of outdated birthing videos from before my mother gave birth and grooming was apparently not trendy. (dont watch one from a doctors view- thats just cruel) After listening to the horrific screams and moans that ironically sound alot like how she got pregnant in the first place, a woman pulled her newborn baby out and cried as she help her screaming pink ball of skin. *did you know that some women claim to have orgasms during labor? Id like to meet these women and ask what kind of trip they were on. Either that or they have a very unorthodox sex life. 

"That doesnt seem so bad... look she has a cute baby now"

They also informed me that first time mothers should expect a long labor and pushing time (up to two hours... TWO HOURS), to go passed her due date, have a larger size baby, and its actually very rare for her water to break at home.

"Its not like the movie where the woman's water breaks and she screams in pain all the way to the hospital, then rushed into a room and out comes a baby"   Unless you married into a Murphy's Law family like I did.

My labor and delivery was everything out of the norm. At my 37 week appointment, the doctor had told me that I was 1cm dilated but not to be alarmed because most women will sit at 1cm for weeks and never even know. What?! How is this normal? How can we be "open" and not have this thing fall out?! I sneeze and end up pissing my pants but I can hold in an 8lb kid when taking the morning toilet retreat!? But just like she said, my 39 week appointment came rolling around the corning and I was now almost 2 cm. She said we could sweep my membranes which could help induce labor but only if Im already in labor (you must already be dilated). Now ladies, unless you are at your due date or you have already started early labor, I do not advise inducing unless for medical reason. Not only is it dangerous to your baby but also dangerous to you as well. So step lightly please.

She swept my membranes for the second time at 39 weeks and after a little bleeding and cramping- nothing. So I went to bed. The next morning Sexy Beast skipped off the work and I tried to sleep in since I was up all night with a back ache... oh dearest Dani, if only you knew. I texted the Beast after breakfast and said I felt funny and my back was killing. I threw in a few bombs but we shall leave those out. His squad leader said he better get me off to the hospital. Lucky for us, we lived not even 2 minutes from there. Now when you think you are in labor- they usually like you to call. But I didnt. Instead I rang the little door bell and told them ..

"I think Im in labor, but I dont know.."   This was close to the nurse's reply...

"You're talking, walking, and you dont have your husbands genitals in a bag. I dont think you are in labor. But lets check you anyways."

Then I met the triage nurse who was a delight. You would've thought this chick was in labor with her bedside manner. She told me I was 3 cm and not in active labor so she doesnt expect to see me until after the weekend. Damn.... Oh well. Off to work the Beast went and I back to my apartment to watch Analyze This and Analyze That. PIECE OF ADVICE: Watch funny movies when in labor. Helps SO much to laugh. When they say laughter is the greatest medicine, It is. At first. I kept feeling these weird cramps that went from the bottom of my pelvis to the top of my bell button, peak, and then go back down. So I started timing them starting from the time they start to the time they stop and then again. If you have an Iphone- an app with be your best friend or go to TheBump.com and they have a contraction counter. AMAZING. As soon as Sexy Beast came home they were 5 minutes apart. I still felt pretty good. I thought this was suppose to hurt?! Oh dear Dani... if only you knew. I thought its time to walk and bounce so off to the gym we went. Everyone stared at me on the treadmill like I was about to explode and candy was going to come out. After the pain was getting worse, I told Beast it was time to go home so the skinny bitches will stop staring at me like something to eat. Remember how the instructor said to expect to go passed your due date AND your water wont break? Thank you Kalk family for the luck because at 39 weeks that night, my apartment turned into a water park. I ran to the bathroom screaming and the Beast asked if I just peed my pants. But as soon as I said no my water broke, his laughter turned into panic. Grab the bags! Grab the carseat! Call the nurse! Why in Gods name isnt my dad answering his phone?! I even called my aunt in WASHINGTON to contact him and to call me back because I was going into labor. My mother wasnt answering since she was at work... Where is everyone??. PIECE OF ADVICE: When you call the hospital to tell them your water broke and you are on your way, the nurse will ask you what color your water was, the smell, the time, and how much. This is to find out if your baby is in stress- or you just have a creepy nurse. After the water gates open, you have around 24 hours to deliver or your chance of infection starts to creep up.

This time at the door bell all I could say was "Just called. Water Broke!"... I couldnt talk, I couldnt walk, and Beast was on my hit list. When they checked me this time I was just about at 7cm. They told me great job for laboring so long at home and asked me if I wanted an epidural. Maybe some of you want to do it all natural. Good for you. Not me. But when they told me I might not be able to because I was at 7cm (the point in which there is no return) I broke into tears. I was so scared. This was happening so fast. I no longer wanted to do this... start the car, Beast, we are going home. They needed to just sew me up or smoke him out.

Once they got me into a room I was just about 8cm... EPIDURAL. If the hospital allows it, PEICE OF ADVICE: PRE REGISTER. Do you want to answer questions like: What is your occupation? What race are you? What is your insurance? all while trying not to break the railing off the bed? No.. So pre register and get that crap out of the way. Keep in mind they still ask questions while you are in labor... and it seems like it doesnt end. But be kind to your nurses. They are the ones who will or will not be calling for the drugs to hurry up. One of the questions is rate your pain according to this scale:

And it should look more like this:

 Luckily they allowed me to have half a regular dose of epi. Awww... It was like I had 5 cocktails before dinner. I couldnt feel anything. I kept saying to the Beast- I think I peed... but it was just water. Then the pressure starts. I would say "my god I have to go take a crap!" No thats just the babies head... pleasant, I know. FINALLY. The pushing. Now preggos- I promise you. Pushing doesnt hurt. Its like you FINALLY get to relieve yourself after eating authentic mexican food and sitting in the car for 5 hours with your future in-laws. The heavens were singing. I kept saying,

"is the doctor hear yet?! Is he crowning?! Im too tired! Beast go sit down before you puke!" 

I dont know who had a worse time, me or him. 

He looked like he saw a ghost. Uh No, he just saw what he describes as filleted chicken. So men, if you dont want to be scarred, maybe dont watch... FINALLY Spaz was almost here... One. More.Push. I let out a scream and the doctor says "Shhh. no screaming" If I wasnt in such a vulnerable position, I wouldve punched him. Dont scream... In the words of Jeff Foxworthy- Id like to see him push something the size of a St. Bernard out of something the size of a cat door and keep silent. When Spaz was out, I remember everyone saying- Oh my god, he's so small! (he was predicted just hours earlier to be over 8lbs) I snapped back- "You better check for two then"  He let out a tiny squeek but after hearing his dads voice Spaz went silent. The Beast said Spaz just stared at him for what seemed like forever. The doctor told him not to talk so he could get him to cry and clear his lungs.

"Cry baby... You have to cry"... its all I could hear the doctor whisper. 

I couldnt breath. What was maybe 10 seconds felt like 2 hours. WHY ISNT HE CRYING?! So the doctor gave him a little pinch- literally- and finally the sirens. The only time you will ever enjoy that scream.

At 2:42AM July 30th 2011, Spaz was born 6lbs 12oz and 19in. Tiny baby boy. Even after all that, I keep thinking- I could do it again... But when? That, folks, is something you will just have to wait and find out about.






Sexy Beast's take on my labor and delivery: Long, Smelly, Hell

Waiting for Weight

Being a woman means that at least one point in our lives being self conscious about our bodies- Especially our weight. I come from a very tall, blonde, curvy family-- Im a red head, I dont understand either. We also have very big opinionated mouths but thats a whole other issue. Im 5'9" and my weight has always been somewhat evened out- with maybe a little bit more junk in the trunk than most. But in high school I was picked on for being "chunky" and such. Even though I didnt feel that way, it didnt stop the whispers from hurting. I never looked at myself and thought I was an attractive young lady. This, sadly, is something I think 99% of the females in our society go through and high school can make or break your self esteem.

When I gave birth I weighed in at (drum roll please) 180 lbs... but let me tell you, while that may not seem like much to others, at a 5'9" stature with a starting weight of around 138lbs, and remember that its recommended to gain around 20-25 lbs for my status..... 40+ lbs didn't sit well with me or my doctor. I wasn't an unhealthy person, but I just couldn't stop the pounds from piling on. I remember my doctor even saying to me at one point, "sweetie, lay off the junk food"    Once again, the self-concious high school girl kicked in again. Isnt pregnancy suppose to be a wonderful time and a miracle? Besides the throwing up your guts and peeing every 5 mins, I liked being pregnant and wish I would have embraced the belly more. Maybe next time?

After having a baby vaginally, they don't tell you how much it really hurts to heal. Maybe it was the 2nd degree tears and stitches in places I didn't even know could tear but lord have mercy I couldn't even get into a bath tub without the help of my husband. Most women get the OK to exercise at the 8 week post partum mark but it took my about 3 months to be healed properly and ready to go. Of course- I didn't have ANY motivation to do so... They say that nursing full time will make the weight come off as well... WELL if thats true, I was definitely the exception. Go figure. But since my husband deployed 7 months after our son was born, the motivation to lose that weight was high and mighty.

 So for the next 9 months I worked out 5 days a week and hard. I even passed out at the gym once. NOT good. So ladies, just take it easy and go the pace you think your body needs. Work for goals that make YOU feel good. If you try and make someone else happy, than you will never be happy. The only person who you should satisfy is yourself (get that dirty mind out of here. Wrong blog. Thats not how you pronounce my last name, folks). As a mother, we rarely get to treat ourselves and we can get into a slump. Its hard to look in the mirror when your hair is a mess, you have spit up on your new blouse, you have no makeup on, and your child's hands are reaching so desperately under the bathroom door. But take time for yourself to make yourself feel good again. Whether its the gym, the bubble, spa, etc. Because a happy house has a happy mother in it. I know your body feels weird. After having a baby your body will never truley be the same. Your hips are spread, your abs or split open (which is the cause for the little pouch- did you know that?) and you have stretch marks in places you had no clue even stretched! Being a mother though- is worth it, I promise.

Today I work out 3-4 days a week at the gym. I do 20-30 mins cardio, 20 mins floor exercises, and 10 mins weights. The hardest part of starting to workout and make it a lifestyle was actually going to the gym and finding time. But even at home there are things you can do. I hit multiple plataues and multiples times where the weight on the scale went up. This is NORMAL. At some point you need to stop going by the scale and start going by your energy and even jean size. I know I will never get that super flat 12 pack I see on models. I know my cellulite will always be on my booty, and you know what? Im ok with that now. I know that my stretch marks may never fade but I dont want them too. These are all reminders that I went through 10 months of glory to build my perfect little boy. I may not have embraced the belly the first time, but I embrace my body now. It doesn't hurt that I have a Sexy Beast of a husband at home that tells me Im beautiful everyday.  Its taken a lot for me to decide to put a current more bare picture of me and my post baby stomach, stretch marks and all. But I know how hard it is for some and I want to let others know that it doesn't take a day to lose your baby weight or get into shape. It make take months or like me, almost 2 years. After I gave birth I was a size 12 in jeans and now at 18 months I am a 6.  I just want to keep up a healthy lifestyle for my next pregnancy.. Heres hoping itll help with the morning sickness. Remember that this is for YOU. That its hard work but you built a baby with no hands, so you can do anything- lets be honest! Its not about the number on the scale, its about health and happiness. (something I still have to remind myself everyday) Everyone is different so dont compare yourself to the girl next door who gained 15lbs through her whole pregnancy and left the hospital in her skinny jeans.. Embrace your belly for 42 weeks. Then embrace your body and health for ever after. Heres to your journey and mine.

My journey may have not been like yours but every journey is hard for each person. Its not about the number. Its about health and happiness. (and ok, making my husband say "HELLO wife".. im ok with that)

Best Banana Bread....Ever

When I was younger, my mom owned a hair salon and worked 90% of her time. So 90% of my time was spend with my grandma. She is the most amazing cook I know. Everything is from scratch. Since she grew up with parents who owned Barret's Bakery, you know she was an even better baker. Her banana bread recipe is not only easy, but SO good! But since I cant give out her exact secret recipe, I will give you my spin... Dont worry- Iv baked it plenty of times before. Everyone loved it and only few have died.

2 cups sifted flour (half white/half wheat)

2 eggs (room temperature)

1/2 cup margarine (room temperature)

1 tsp baking soda

3 ripe bananas mashed

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup suger

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp nutmeg

Cream margarine, vanilla, nutmeg, and sugar in medium bowl. Add in eggs. In separate bowl, mix dry ingrediants. Add cream mix to dry ingredients using a spatula or wooden spoon. Add mashed bananas. 

Pour mix into greased loaf pan and sprinkle the top with sugar. Bake at 350 degrees for 50-60mins or until the bread doesn't wiggle. 

What food makes you think of being a kid again? Did anyone in your family pass a recipe down from one generation to another?

Just To Spite My Uterus

After having your first baby, the most common question I get is

"So......... When are you having another baby??!"

There are days I want another... Those are the days that Spaz is not Spaz. He Is Gabriel, my sweet Angel. He takes naps with no fuss. He eats all his food. He giggles at everything mama says. And when I tell him no, he says "Yes mommy dearest. I will not eat this cookie I found on the ground from 5 days ago. Instead I will come and give you lots of hugs and kisses. Oh and by the way, you are beautiful."

Then there are days he makes damn well sure that I make an appointment to have my tubes tide that afternoon.

 Then there those days. Ladies, you know what Im talking about. Men, you know even more. As much as men want to complain to us about those days, I dont think they could handle it. Isnt it bad enough we are the ones who grow a baby from our insides for 10 months then push it out from something that should NEVER have something pushed out of? But then if we dont give our uterus a job to do it punishes us one week out of every month by throwing ragers and invites everyones' least favorite family member- Aunt Flow.

The aches. The cramps. The mess. The ruined outfits. The bloat. The chocolate. The crying. The anger. She sucks. She doesnt have gum in her purse. She doesnt give you a birthday card with a $10 bill in it. She doesnt give you advice on boys, or sex, or how to deal with your parents.

Once a week, since our uterus is a cranky wench, Aunt Flo comes to town to show you who's boss. So men, dont be mad at us when theres a visitor. Try and understand shes here for us..As much as it may feel, she's not here for you. Tired of her visits? You have two options- knock us up (FYI pregnancy isn't a joy ride either) or:

1. Buy us chocolate. 
2. Watch the sad movie with us and cry at Sarah Mclachlan's commercials (buying that one eyes puppy     wouldnt hurt either)
3. Never round a group of us together for too long or we will overtake you. 
4. When we yell at you for breathing too loud, smile... or stop breathing.
5. Buy us chocolate.
6. Buy us more chocolate.
7. No chocolate? Run  see you in 3-5 days

When will I have another baby you ask? When Aunt Flow pisses me off just enough to send her to the unemployment line to wait for 40 weeks. But Im a tough cookie so I think I can handle her for some time yet... Sorry mother-in-law

Liebster Award

What is a Liebster Award you ask? Well this is an award given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.. its another way to get your name out there and such. I was nominated by my fellow blogger, Lisa, at Simple Kind of Wonderful. She is a hoot!! Check her out. We went to high school together and also worked together at Snyder Drug. AKA most boring but entertaining place to work at.

Part of this nomination is that I have to answer questions about myself. I ams suppose to nominate 11 more people but I have to be honest. I don't know that many people who blog! Lisa is the only friend I got who blogs. I am pretty sad... So put the word out there folks!!

If you are new here, Welcome! If you are not new, then you dont get a welcome. Your Welcome has been over stayed...

Well here are the burning questions I must answer ever so honestly. 

What is your dream vacation?
Well... Since I never took a honeymoon, and im a mother of toddler, ANYWHERE without Toy Story and an Xbox is a vacation. BUT if someone twisted my arm to leave my house, than I would like to take one of those all-inclusive vacations to the bahahamas. Not only do they have the coolest accents that just put you in a good mood, the weather and beaches are to die for. Not litereally, otherwise you wouldnt be able to enjoy the beach....

What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have to admit, alot irritates the hell out of me. But maybe thats the hormones? Or lack of sleep? Did I mention I have a toddler? I have to say lately my biggest pet peeve is a tie between when my husband says the word "assume" (long story), and when wives where their husbands rank... ugh irritating.

What is my five year plan?
Man I feel like im in a business meeting... or high school counseling session... Hmm.. In five years I plan on being In Colorado Springs buying my first home, settled into a nice career or starting my nursing career, and Yes folks, have had another baby. I live an exciting life- its ok to be jealous.

What makes me feel like a kid again?
Puppy chow... I dont know why cause I didnt eat it as a kid. Any music from the 90s since my mother listened to it ALL the time. And just being in my original home town, Battle Lake. There are so many memories there. I grew up on my grandmas resort- Old Town Resort. As a kid I was ALWAYS outside getting burnt. Us gingers dont get the joy of a nice golden tan. We get pain, blisters, and pealing skin. Thanks genetics. I was no Little Mermaid either. Though I thought I could swim like a mermaid of the ocean- I COULD NOT.

What is my favorite movie?
Id like to be classy and say "Breakfast at Tiffanys" but no.... I dont think I have a favorite movie. But my guilty pleasures of TV are Keeping Up With the Kardashians (Scott makes that show and Khloe really could be related to me) and Duck Dynasty. Even though Im SO a yuppy, Id LOVE to hang out with them for a day. However! The show and I can watch over and over again and it NEVER gets old is... Drum roll................ F.R.I.E.N.D.S...... I can quote anyone under the bus. If we played at trivia, you all would lose. And Jennifer Aniston is my girl crush. Most beautiful woman.

What is my jam? 
Haha. This made me laugh... cause I thought of my friend Lisa... She would use this word, Jam. And sadly the first thing that popped in my mind was, Strawberry. Not that kind of Jam, Dani. My favorite song currently is between Hell on Heels by Pistol Annies and that Scream and Shout by Will.I.Am and Brittney Spears- as much as I dont want to admit that. When I work out I listen to Pitbull and Marylin Manson. They mix so well. But I listen to just about everything. From Celtic, to 90s, to Marylin Manson, to Miranda Lambert. What does Sexy Beast listen to? Avenged Sevenfold... Avenged Sevenfold and Avenged Sevenfold. He is mildly obsessed. He suggested to me when I was in labor that we should listen to them cause its calming. I about punched him in the face. I already had his balls ripped out in my hands. If you havent heard of them, Youtube them and tell me if thats something you want to listen to when you have something the size of a watermelon coming out 10cm. Let that picture settle in your head for bit

What is my current ringtone?
Ok seriously, you are all going to think im so lame haha. But its a good old fashion telephone ring. Yes, I have an IPhone and its a shame..... BUT on my old phone it was Some Nights and Everybody Talks. So hey I can be cool! When my husband calls its a dog barking.. and when he texts its a cat call whistle. When my mother calls its a nuclear plan alarm system........... enough said.

What inspired me to write a blog?
Well I have been told a time or two that I have alot to say. I do... you'd think my family has Kardashian jeans genes... yes I kept that word crossed out 'cause I REALLY wrote that. Iv joked plenty of times that our family should have a show. My mother has 7 brothers and sisters and everyone one has completely different personalities. Needless to say it makes for an awesome family reunion. I wanted to blog about my life and the crazy things that happen in life. I got married at 20 (husband was 18- let that soak in), got pregnant after a month of being married with twins but lost one of the babies. And so much more... I love reading about others journeys so maybe someone would benefit from what I have to say? That could be getting ahead of myself.

What is my favorite memory?
Wow thats a tough one. Of course getting married was the first step in this great life I have... And without my husband I wouldnt have all the things I have. I like to think Im the wind in his back and not the spit in his face though... Can you guess what thats from? My favorite memory before Sexy Beast would be going to a concert with my best friend, Mandy. She just gets me. I guess spending my 18 birthday with her tops that. We got matching tattoos :)    However, my favorite current memory (oxymoron at its best) is the birth of my son. AWWWW... sweet I know..  I remember everything from the morning before when I begged the doctor to just light and fire and smoke him out, so she swept my cervix instead- less invasive she said.. that bitch doctor lied... Then 24 hours later I started my labor. I texted my husband in the morning that I didnt feel good so his leaders sent him home to bring me to the hospital. Was 39 weeks and triage nurse said that I was 3 cm and I wouldnt be back til the weekend. More lies....You would think they were lawyers.. So I bounced on my couch all day and watching "Analyze This" and "Analyze That". I laughed all through my labor. It didnt hurt at all, even with my contractions being 7mins apart.. thats no lie. After Sexy Beast came home from work, we went to the gym so I could walk on the treadmill... I remember the stares I got from people. They were just waiting for me to blow up so they could catch all the confetti and candy that flies out. I remember having to stop and breath through my walking and then telling the ball and chain that we need to head home. So we made my favorite meal inspired by the one and only restaurant, Shoreline (father in laws business)- Some eggs over medium, hashbrowns with ketchup, and toast. I was so excited for it.. We put on a movie- The Resident, and two bites into it my water broke. I screamed and ran to the bathroom. "Damn it, Its my favorite dinner tonight.."       to be continued

Who is my celebrity free pass?
LMAO. This made me laugh out loud for real... I never really thought about it. My angel on my shoulder would kick the devils ass anyday so I dont think he would even let me have a free pass. But if he was sleeping one time, I think Id say Jennifer Aniston. Yes... Id cross the line for her.

This Aint No Dear John, Amanda Seyfried

Four years ago, if you would've came to me and said,

 "Hey in four years you will be married, have a baby, go through a deployment cause you are an Army wife" Id say, "Bitch your'e crazy"  (I had an attitude problem back then)

Its crazy what just a year can do to you. When I started dating Sexy Beast, I honestly didn't think this would be the man that steals my heart and convince me to become a..cue the Army Strong song... Military Wife. So when I got engaged at Fort Benning in 2010, I started watching this show called Army Wives. "Oh what fun and interesting!" I thought. Little did I know, the real military life is NOTHING like this show.

I had NO idea what was about to happen.

*let me note here that everyones situation is case by case. How I handle being a military wife may not be how you handle it. You may not agree with what I have to say. I am probably a blabbering idiot for I know. So take this all with an open mind. Our husbands fight for freedom of opinion. And this is mine. 

What I have learned, like most things in life, is this life is what you make it. If you mope around that there are so many things you cant control and that your husband is going to be gone 75% of your marriage, than life is going to suck. Plain and simple. But from the beginning I was determined not to be one of THOSE women. I knew in the beginning that there were going to be times that are hard and will test my marriage. It will make me want to scream and say IM MOVING TO CANADA. But these moments are what make you. You can sit around and complain that the money is tight, your husband wont be there for you to give birth, that hes out in the field and the kids are sick, that hes gone overseas and you miss him, but is this going to change anything?? When Spaz was two weeks old, Sexy Beast had to leave for field training for about 3 weeks. When Sexy Beast deployed last year, Spaz was 7 months old and not even sitting up on his own-late bloomer. When he came home, Spaz was walking running, talking screaming, yelling for dadda, tantruming, etc. His first birthday, first words, first steps, all had come and gone. His dad had missed it all, so who was I to complain and cry that my world sucked? Im not the one overseas sleeping in a bunk and fighting for my life and the ones I loved. I was here with our baby, watching him grow everyday. Many women can complain about this life but we have it pretty good. One of my biggest pet peeves- and I will admit I used to be one of these women but have learned- is when military wives compare their soldier husband to "civilian" husbands and claim that their husbands are better. Dont get me wrong, I love my husband for what he does. Not a lot of men can handle what he does everyday. Im very proud of him to say the least. I beam when I see him on that field lined up with his fellow men. But my husband isnt better than yours. If you come to me in sadness that your husband or boyfriend is away for the month or away at college, Im going to feel for you. Whether your husband is gone for a day or a whole year, it sucks. We as military wives should never put our noses up at anyone just because their husbands dont wear the US Army patch or any other military patch for that matter. Who are we to judge your situation?

Maybe its my unique take on the military lifestyle that makes the danger and long separations easier. When we first moved to Fort Stewart we lived in a small apartment on post. EVERYTHING was wrapped around the Army and his job. It can give you a great sense of community, or it can drive you insane. It got to the point that I didnt even remember what it was like to have interests of my own. Everything was about his job and even our home wasnt an escape for either of us. It was hard to seperate family and job. So after moving off post we just seem to have a better control of things. In the Army its hard and nearly impossible to really have control over anything. If the Army says you are moving here, then you are moving here. If they say you are deploying, then you are deploying. You roll with the punches. My advice to newcomers- keep an open mind and lift your hands in the air during the rollercoaster bumps-screaming "weeeeee" is optional but fun. What works for the Sexy Beast and I is that we keep his job seperate. The Army is his job. Not who he is. Who he is: an amazing husband that would do anything to give me what ever I wanted. A father who would take a bullet for his children. And a son who works hard to make his family proud. So when you look at me, dont just see an Army wife. Im a mom and wife first. The "army" is just a label that comes with the territory.

I will admit though. Nothing can truly explain that feeling of seeing your husband after almost a year of him being over on the other side of the world. Its something you do just have to experience.

Im very proud of all our men and women who serve, the ones who stand beside them holding their hands and hearts, the children cheering them on, and the ones who support our troops everyday. This country would be a very different place without your courage.

Super Moms Suck

Pinterest is one of my biggest addictions.

At least its not crack, right? As a military wife, I know that my dreams of being a home owner are far ahead of me, so the best thing right now is to conger up ideas on how to recreate my dream home into "renter friendly" ways. As I scroll through hours of eye-candy-for-a-housewife (I swear I actually do productive crap everyday other than Pin) I come across things like- How to make your baby's food for a year and potty train them before their 1st birthday. How to pump enough milk to have a refrigerator stacked full of milk and never feel like a constant milk machine. How to bake an apple pie from scratch while holding your screaming teething child. How to build your child's bunk bed from scratch. Or how to get that six pack back after your 5th child.

I cant help but think- HOW do these moms do it all? Have you ever seen the movie "I don't know how she does it" with Sarah Jessica Parker? First off, GREAT movie for moms. Dads, its not the movie you are thinking it is going to be. Sorry. Anyways, this women is a career women with a large corporate company who attends her children's parent teacher conferences and bakes for the school bake off. The women who pin these things and actually do them while continually smiling suck. Super moms suck. Don't get me wrong, thats great you can juggle it all. You can work 40 hours a week, make homemade meals that are good for you and the kids LOVE; you can shower your husband with love and affection every night so he doesn't feel neglected; you can bake apple pies from scratch and keep that six pack; all while never neglecting any chore around the house. But you make all the rest of us "normal" parents feel like plankton in the sea of parenthood. While you're out there kicking baby ass (don't fret- not literally) and taking names, Im just trying to keep my child alive and not get social services to knock on my door. So far my Spaz has sliced his hand open, shut himself in the closet AND pantry, and has managed to get his dad to say to me today "I saved our sons life today"- words every mother LOVES to hear. I even let him sleep with his head in his blankets and 5 teddy bears in his crib.

 So I found a book just for us unsuper moms:

I saw this on pinterest and laughed so hard at its irony. Hasn't everyone at one point or another in parenthood felt like shitty parents? When Spaz was 2 weeks old, my mother in law came to Fort Stewart while Sexy Beast was in the field training. She stayed with Spaz and I for about a week and would sleep in the room with me (on a separate bed- lets not be creepy) so that she could get up and help with the baby if needed. I was nursing and as close as one can be with their mother in law, I was not about to throw my engorged boobs out there for her gasp over. So when he wanted to nurse, I didn't turn the bedroom light on and would just use my phone as a little night light. While trying to adjust him holding my phone over so I could see, I dropped the phone on my poor little nuggets head! Now, okay, it was a little flip phone and he didn't cry, I sure did! I felt awful! Maybe thats why he isn't talking yet.......... But this is to reassure others, especially first time moms- babies are parent proof. Don't go letting them stick your bobby pins in light sockets or bang their heads on the counter like a pickle jar, but don't follow them around with pillows incase they fall- thats helicopter parenting and I was one (more on that later). Its ok that you don't bake pies by scratch. Its okay that your job(s) has you away 75% of the time. Enjoy that 25%. Its ok that when baby naps, you paint your nails or catch up on Duck Dynasty. Its ok that on some of your time off, you want to go out with the girls. Hell, you deserve that time off when you can take it cause its okay to say PARENTING IS HARD WORK.


Your children are the most wonderful little creatures you will ever come into contact with- even if you get to meet an elephant face to face (you know who you are). Even if you get to squeeze a baby tiger without it eating your face, squeezing your little toddler with their chubby arms wrapped around you calling you mama or daddy is by far ten thousand times better. They will never hold a grudge until they become hormonal little assholes... They'll never pee on your carpet, unless you let them roam without a diaper... And I promise you that after children, you will never be the same because having a baby and keeping him alive this long has been by far the best thing I have ever done. And I married a pretty dang good lookin' man, folks.

So heres to you shitty parents! The ones who didn't breast feed for 5 years. Who don't make homemade pies every day, keep your house spotless and still find time to work on those abs while building your deck. Shitty parents, you're still doing great. You will continue to do great. And you're kids will look back and think "my parents were super parents"...

As a side note- you parents who really can do it all. Keep it up. You are a phenomenon that the world could use more of :)

**This post is dedicated to a special lady I know who tries to do it all while parenting as just one. You are a wonderful mom. You work really hard to give him the best and you are raising quite an amazing little man even though its hard to do it alone. Don't let the super moms get you down, he needs a sane mother.**