Two Weeks

Well we have hit two weeks. Yes, I may or may not be crying. But these past couple weeks I have been crying over everything. Hormones at their best! Currently the Spaz and I are both sick with head colds. Lovely. A bunch of snot and whiney folks up in this biz snitch! My hours of sleep went from 5 a night to about 2… I have to paint on the under eye concealer these days. You know that feeling of waking up fresh and alive?

                                      I dont.

Ok so maybe I didn't do ALL that pre-baby Spaz. But you know I did paint this whole house and put it all together. And worked on our yard. Although I did manage to kill it. ALL. But the after is spot on. I forgot to even eat breakfast this morning. And I love food. Hence the 50+ pregnancy weight gain and just about an 8 pound baby at 36 weeks. Mmm cupcakes.

I wasn't going to nurse Baby Spaz but last minute I decide to go for it. I was tired of the judgmental looks and comments I got from almost everyone when I told them I didn't want to nurse. You'd think that I just said I plan on putting my child in a crib and locking the door for 12 months. I think that people these are way to judge wudgy on pregnancy and new mothers. Or parenting in general. The best decision is the decision YOU are happy with and that YOU feel good about. Love your child, feed him and protect him. There yah go. But how you do is no one else's business and they should keep it to themselves. However, I let what people said and how they looked at me get to me. So I will try pumping this time and if it works out then awesome. If not, Im not going to stress and cry for 5 months like I did with Spaz. I will do whats best for me and my child. So I have been exclusively pumping… Oy. Now I know what Ole' Bessy feels like.

This is how I feel now.

Spaz hates it. He panics every time I begin to pump.. He begs me, "Mama all done! All done!" He seems to be concerned that I am in pain. His sick sixth sense for his mama is unbelievable. This is the kid that followed me around the house asking if I was okay the night I was admitted into the hospital and began labor before I even knew it. The Beast is slightly concerned we may be nursing a scarring relationship between Spaz and I. Lets hope he doesn't have memories of his toddler years or his mothers knockers will be burned into his nightmares forever. Sorry Spaz.

The Worst Final of My Life

It started out with a loaf of beer bread. It was to die for. The whole family demolished it in one day… and by whole family I mean this fatty. So the next day I thought- we all need more beer bread. And by we all, I mean me.  Mmmm fresh out of the oven-- I gave some to Spaz who had one bite and spit it out. THAT should have been my sign. I inhaled a couple slices along and The Beast had some with dinner. That night all hell broke lose and The Beast and I had our heads deep into the toilets with food poisoning… It was a no fail recipe- you pour the mix in a bowl and add a beer. How on earth could we have failed? I ignored the advice to go into the hospital and get some IV fluids so I wouldn't become dehydrated. I just slept it off.

Fast forward to two weeks later. I make some amazing catfish, rice, and fresh peas in the their pod. MmmmMmmmMmmm. That night I felt like I had a bottle of wine. Yes- I had given myself food poisoning AGAIN! Moral of this all- I am no long allowed to cook unsupervised. The Beast is terrified to eat my food now.

So as I was getting sick all night long, Beast came upstairs to check on me and insisted I go into the hospital to get some IV fluids since I was 36 weeks. It wasn't until I starting throwing up blood- yes blood- that I said Okay Yah. I should go in. (with my thickest Minnesota accent- You Betcha)

I told Beast to stay home with Spaz so that he could sleep. I dragged my puking sluggish bowling ball into the car and drove myself to labor and delivery. Thank the heavens the hospital is only 5 mins away from our front door. Holding my red puke bowl, I stumbled into the triage room and laid down. I must have looked like hell because the valet parking asked if I knew where the ER was. After hooking me up and seeing how much blood I had been throwing up, they decided that I was going to be admitted for at the least the night and morning. After an hour the nurses said I was having contractions that weren't going away so she wanted to check me and give me more medicine since dehydration can cause preterm labor. I was barely a cm and he hadn't dropped down so she didn't suspect I was in any kind of active labor. Once I was transferred to the women wing with the rest of the bed rest preggos, they encouraged me to get some sleep and they would send the doctor in the morning to see if I was dieing. Well in their words, to see where the blood was coming from. Turns out my esophogase gave out from my talented cooking and tore enough for me to bleed into my stomach causing me to throw up. Lovely- I know.



The next morning the nurse came in who happen to be a midwife as well. They wanted to hook me up to the machine for 20 mins before the doctor came in to discharge me. Just to be on the safe side because I had been complaining of pressure. I could feel that my contractions were not going away. Didn't matter if I was laying down or standing up. Even after two bags of fluids and nausea medication. 15 mins into CNN, the nurse comes in and snaps her gloves on- "Im checking you. Those contractions are persistent and five mins apart. I suspect you are in labor girl" I laughed and said I wasn't even a finger tip earlier that night so I didn't think so but getting my cervix checked doest hurt at all.. so why not (insert some MAJOR sarcasm) "Yep you are a little over 3 cm…and he's has dropped way down"

Say what? I sat at 3 cm for three weeks with my first brat so this is nothing. She insisted I sit on the machine for an hour and see if I progress. If I progress I can be admitted and start my laboring process. If not, than its time to go home. I knew Beast would be excited to hear I was dilated so I waited impatiently for him to walk into the room.

"Hey Beastasoar! I am 3 cm…" -said the hippo

"Damn it, I had errands to run today."   Oh thats sweet, Beast.  

An hour later I got to experience the gentle touch of the cervix check again. Just about 4cm. I had a choice. Go up to labor and delivery or go home. Go home. WORST MISTAKE EVER. Its 11am, I am at home. And I can feel pressure during my contractions. Did I have to crap? Or was I about to have a baby that night? Suck it up, I told myself. You are fine, go take a bath. After a bath and hot shower I could feel so much pressure that I was afraid to sneeze. So I arranged for Spaz to get picked up from daycare, AKA to Spaz= the place that serves better food than moms crap, and yelled out to the Beast to get his keys, we needed to get going.

"We need to stop by the grocery store and get milk for you and Spaz for the morning. I don't want you guys without milk. You need milk so you can have breakfast. SPAZ NEEDS MILK.." Needless to say I was freaking out. But The Beast said No. And that I had to get going to the hospital. He was not about let my water break in the middle of aisle 9.  As we were driving, the contractions were getting stronger. By the second light I was screaming at an old lady in front of us "Move it Miss Daisy! Or I will move it for you!! What is with all you people?! Is it drive as slow as you can day?!! MOVE OVER" Oh yah I was in labor. It didn't help that The Beast was hitting every single bump on the road. 

Finally, we arrived and were put in a triage room to be checked. It was 3:30pm by this point. I could tell the nurses didn't think I was in labor since I was talking fine inbetween contractions but if I lifted my leg too far up, a baby might have fallen out. During contractions Beast couldn't stand too close or I was going to turn him into a woman. She checked me right away. Guess what I was at.. 4 cm! What?! Check again woman. Theres no way I haven't changed. This is how I felt when I was getting my epidural with Spaz. 4?? Maybe 4 inches… please. Lets just monitor you for an hour and see what happens… thats fine but I'm not going home, lady. Ten minutes pass by and I feel the worst and longest contraction of my life. OMG HE IS COMING OUT. BAM… my water broke. I looked at Beast in horror-

"Holy shit, Beast, my water just broke. Look under the blankets and see what color it is!" 

"Please don't make me do that.." I wanted to make sure the baby wasn't in stress. He ran out to grab a nurse. 7 cm!

Up went the bed rails and out the room we soared. Here we go honey- Someone page the doctor she is ready to go and going fast! Tears started streaming down my face. No this can't be happening this quick. And why is it so painful this time? And why did I have to jinx myself?! Through my pregnancy I told people I wanted to be a badass without pain meds. Silly Silly Stupid girl. Oh how you will regret the hell out of this. I believe the good Lord knew I would cave and get the epidural so he laughed and said, Let me help you out.... It was 3:45 when I rolled into my room and they tossed me into a bed. Fifteen minutes after I sat on that triage bed I was screaming for some sweet relief from a needle to the back. Nurses were scrambling all over the room setting the table up with all the scary equipment. Two baby nurses were rolling in a warm incubator and oxygen machine since he was arriving early. I heard one nurse on the phone, Where is doctor so and so, she is 7cm and was 4cm fifteen mins ago. I think she will be ready soon. She's also screaming for an epi so send the anesthesiologist please. Staying calm while in labor is NOT my strong suit. So screaming for an epidural and bawling my eyes out was an understatement. They told me the doctor would be 8 mins since he was finishing up with a C Section so just wait. I shook my head and said I have to push. I have to push now. They checked me and I was 9 cm and completed effaced. No epidural for me. The anesthesiologist walked in and they told him never mind. NO.. COME BACK. I was like crying Rose laying on ship wreckage… "jack, jack come back!!" I don't know what was more sad. Seeing him leave the room or seeing Beast leave for deployment.

 I may have seriously been the fastest laborer on the planet. However, I am not the quietest.

"I have to push. Im going to push! Something is going to blow out of my ass! I HAVE TO PUSH" The nurses kept yelling back- do not push you are not fulling dilated and you can tear your cervix. Well that just what I wanted to hear and I started crying histarically. OH MY GOD, I am going to die. 

"Please don't let me die. I don't want to die. I HAVE TO PUSH." The look of horror on everyones face was priceless. Well you tell me I'm going to tear if I push and my body is naturally pushing on its own- Panic will set in. I tried the "he he ho" breathing method they told me to do with Spaz to help my body not push but it wasn't working. So what was the next instinct thing to do? Start growling like an angry constipated bear. I kept crying apologies cause I couldn't help it. Nurses were hovering over my like vultures- Calm down, Danielle. You need to take deep breaths and calm down. I just wanted to yell at t to all get out. I needed one person in there and one only- someone to pull this kid out.

I could hear them calling the doctor again insisting he run down the hallway because I was ten and was already pushing. FINALLY, he comes into the room and asks me how I am feeling. Well, have you had the feeling you needed to blow a saint bernard out your ass? I have. It was 4:30 at this point and time. They told Beast to hold one of my legs. I knew it wouldn't last long. Five minutes into pushing he he looked as though he was going to pass out. I have never seen someone go so white so fast. They even brought in crackers and some thing to drink for him and told him to sit down. Finally, 5:05 PM and he was here!

"Look down, here is your baby.. take a look. Pull him out." They all kept cheering and telling me to see my baby. What was my reaction? Tears? Smiles? Grabbing him and pulling him out into my arms? No….

"JUST TAKE HIM OUT ALREADY. PLEASE!" My whole body was shaking. I had been loud and proud for an hour. I probably scared every poor woman on the floor. I was so loud and breathing so fast that later I noticed they had the oxygen mask going behind me. I was shaking so bad that I told them to hand him to The Beast. I was afraid to drop him. After I expelled the placenta, the nursing student in me kicked in- "Wait, can I see it??" Yep… I'm THAT chick. But hey- its not like I said I wanted to eat it.

Turns out I only needed a little medical attention with stitches but with no epidural it didn't feel great. It shocked me so much that I accidentally slapped my doctors arm. I gasped and said sorry but he just laughed and said its ok- just don't kick him please.

So all in all it was a horrid experience. Maybe natural birth is great for you. But, boy, I appreciated the drugs with Spaz's birth ALOT more after last week. Silver lining for those who are debating between drugs or not- my recovery has been tremendously better. Not only did I feel better sooner after giving birth, but I healed faster and was able to walk around quicker. I did have to get a shot of pitocin and jabbed in the stomach a million times since Im a ginger. They told me they were afraid I was bleeding too much- something EVERY woman wants to hear- so she came in every fifteen minutes to "massage" my uterus. And by massage I mean dig into my stomach like she was searching for my spine. It felt great.

So for all those knocked up chicks out there, here is my advice for you:
1. If you know you want drugs, go into the hospital as soon as you think you are in labor. AKA when you need to stop and lean over during the peaks not to relieve pain but so you don't rip your baby daddy's testicles off. Or the flood gates open.

2. If you do want to go all natural during labor, then labor at home as long as possible. If you feel like your baby is going to fall out if you sneeze, then you need to get that hospital. Or in my case- if you start growling and baring down like a constipated yeti.

Baby W
20.5 in long
7 lbs 10 oz

 

 

2014

Its 2014! Im not usually one for new year resolutions and all that stereotypical stuff. But with all kind of new stuff going on, I thought- why not? I should be blogging more and keeping everyone up-to-date but I have been… well lazy. And fat.

So here are my resolutions for this new year.. my goals and wants for the new year of new motherhood, wifehood, and studenthood.

Losing 50+ pounds of this baby weight. Hey I lost it with Spaz, why not now? I waited almost 9 months to start losing the baby weight with my first, but this time I plan on getting back on the treadmill horse and kicking it into gear as soon as I get the thumbs up from Michelle, my doctor. This pregnancy has been a huge one for me. I have already passed the weight I was when I GAVE BIRTH to Spaz. It didn't help when the nutritionalist from the health department called me heavy and told me that my weight gain was concerning. In my defense I am still healthy as a horse. I have low blood pressure still from when I was a running before this pregnancy, and all my testing for diabetes and proteins have come back normal every visit. I just like my cupcakes. So for this weight loss adventure- I will keep you updated on how I will do it. I follow the blog Eat Yourself Skinny and LOVE this girl! Not only is she gorgeous, but she has amazing style that I obsess over and she has been using this system called Tone It Up with some more gorgeous babes. Since I will have two littles in the house and no mother living with me, Ill have less time to get to the gym as much as I did with Spaz. So I want to find something for at home that will really kick my ass- well more burn it off and throw it out the door. Hopefully I can get my sista from another mista (you know who you are) to come over and do this with me.

Becoming a more patient and calm mother. This one hits close to home for me. Parenting is really hard sometimes. And with the stress of school and and soon single parenthood for another year, my patience level can start to drop. I don't want that. My kids didn't ask to born to a military house, or to a mother in school full time, or to a dramatic mother for that matter. And every time I walk into Spaz's overpriced daycare, I see the sign that says.

Only you can decide what makes you angry.

Aint that the truth? It makes me think about how I react to things at home everyday. Especially with this pregnancy pressuring down on me. I have been feeling this impending doom or labor and pain coming my way and Im impatiently waiting to get it over with. Because of this and the upcoming departure of my Beast, I find myself getting more irritated with Spaz at the end of the day. Then feeling guilty more and more. This year I vow to practice calming techniques. Practice smiling more. Practice reminding myself that he's only 2 years old. Practice squeezing him (in an appropriate pressure level) more and kissing his cheeks everyday. And practice telling myself that I am a good mother. Even with the 35 eggs in my basket and all.

Become a better wife. This year I will become a better wife and military wife to my Beast. Pregnancy isn't fun for me. Im not one of the glowing, love my body, embrace the pain kind of women. Im just not. And I won't let anyone make me feel bad for that- especially those who haven't been pregnant because you have NO idea. But I will admit that I shouldn't be as hard on my husband as I can be with these hormones and my low self-esteem during these times in my life. I may be his fault I am getting fat everyday, but he also is giving me something that some cannot give when its what they want most. Even though Beast is going to be away from us for a year, I can practice and become a better wife for him to come home to. I will become more tolerant and more patient with him during these times of stress from work. I will enjoy more moments with him and encourage him to continue to be an amazing soldier. I will tell him more often he is a wonderful father. I will kiss him everyday and tell I'm I love him and thank him for being so good to me because there are too many out there that don't have this. And when he asks for a dog…. I will say no. Because he won't like the wife I will become after that.

Last but certainly not least, I will get into Nursing school. Period. Theres not questions about that. It will happen.

So heres to my birthday in a few days- and heres to you ALL praying I go into a healthy and quick labor SOON. None of this- you can wait a few more weeks so its on my birthday, crap. You are just being cruel. And you don't want to poke the bear at this point. For real- I'm bigger than a bear. Grr...